


Loving and Fighting

by GothicPixi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Hold on by Chord Overstreet, I love my boys, Light Angst, M/M, MichEmil, light internal homophobia (not explicit)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-05 12:25:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12189966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicPixi/pseuds/GothicPixi
Summary: After an argument gets out of control during the offseason, Emil and Michele stop speaking. Sara sees how distraught her brother is. He throws everything he has and all he feels into his programs for next season.Emil’s extreme sports never compromise his skating abilities. But he’d needed a distraction - something, anything - and the damage was done. The light in his eyes is dimmer. Everyone can see something else is wrong.





	Loving and Fighting

**Author's Note:**

> The timing might not work out with the release of the song, but let me play in this space I created, thanks <3
> 
> Enjoy!

Michele had thought back for months after the argument. There wasn’t much else he could bring himself to think about. He’d lost control, he’d lied, he’d let his self-hatred speak louder than his truth. If he felt one thing now, it was regret. And deep, utter loss.

 

He hadn’t spoken to Emil since their last competition. He hadn’t posted much on social media, so Michele wasn’t sure what he was doing or how he was. He never realized how much he depended on the man, for everything. He drifted further away from his sister, distracting himself with music and training. Michele wasn’t sure how to win Emil back, but skating was all he had anymore. Sara watched him from the sidelines. He was more passionate than ever. This skate  _ meant  _ something to him. That hadn’t happened in a while. It was only a few weeks until his first competition. She couldn’t tell him now, she couldn’t break the spell. She’d had sporadic messages with Emil over the offseason. Updates, check-ins, enough to figure out what happened between him and her brother. She didn’t want to explain everything for Michele, but she did mention that their aunts had always been pretty homophobic and he’d listened to them. He’d internalized a lot of their hate speech, she believed, and it dug into him like a knife. Emil understood. He always did.

 

“What’s the song for your free skate, Mickey?” Sara asked him at dinner. “You haven’t been playing it on the loudspeaker at practice.”

 

“ _ Hold On _ by Chord Overstreet. Iglesia posted something about it when it was released.”

 

“Huh. I’ll have to look into that later.”

 

“You don’t have to.” Michele picked at his food. Sara studied him for a moment.

 

“Are you doing alright? You’ve been real tough on yourself recently.”

 

“I’m just figuring some things out.” He grumbled. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.” He shoved a sliver of grilled chicken in his mouth.

 

“Okay.” Sara dropped the subject, instead retelling, in detail, the breakup she witnessed in a cafe the morning prior. She couldn’t help but notice how holed up her brother was. Lifeless, like the Emil she’d seen on Facetime a few days before, but also angry. A spark behind his eyes, unlike the previous years’ one of fierce protection. He was..inspired perhaps? Adrenaline coursing through his veins, a final fight or flight. She decided then to attend his first competition, the one he shared with Emil.

 

They arrived in the United States with little fanfare. Michele didn’t bother to question why Sara joined him on the trip. He’d lost a lot of his fight recently. He was much more docile and reclusive. When they entered the arena to the flashing of cameras, he didn’t grimace at them or yell. He waved her off when Sara said she was going to talk to a few male competitors she recognized. That left her astonished.

 

When Michele entered the locker room, he changed into warm-up gear quickly. He exchanged no pleasantries - no one really wanted to anyway. His headphones were put in purposefully, before he even left for the ice. He tied his skates and removed the guards, letting the music consume him as blades hit ice. Michele was only a little bit paranoid at that point. Sometime in the next few days, he would see Emil again. They hadn’t spoken since the fight. He’d tried to reach out, once, after the competition roster was released, to no reply. Michele shrugged it off - he deserved it. He’d made Emil say terrible things about himself, things he shouldn’t be thinking. Things Michele was always thinking about himself. When the song for his free skate came up on shuffle, the Italian easily moved into practicing step work. Maybe it was his nerves, but he felt tears on his cold cheeks as the song played through. He hurriedly dried his face, glancing around to see if anyone noticed. Leo de la Iglesia was also competing, and the American eyed Michele with concern. Christophe Giacometti looked as though he was about to approach. Michele quickly shook himself, adjusted his earbuds, and continued to practice.

 

Emil arrived later than he wanted to for his first competition of the season. He was nervous about a lot of things; His competitors were tough and his programs were difficult; He’d see Mickey again soon. Emil wasn’t surprised at how much he missed the man. He’d fallen for him years ago and their friendship was closer than any other he knew, besides maybe Phichit and Yuuri. But their fight had broken something, in both of them. They needed time to recuperate, to think. Emil had done a lot of thinking. Sara said all Michele did anymore was think. 

 

“He’s barely spoken to me. He barely speaks to anyone. I haven’t heard him yell in weeks. Weeks! It hasn’t been like this quiet since we learnt to speak.” She’d told him when they Facetimed. They were both worried.

 

The Czech entered the arena already clad in practice gear. He wore short sleeves as not to bother the purple fiberglass cast on his left wrist. His coach had given him quite the speech after that BMX accident. Luckily, he was right handed and didn’t really need that wrist’s full functions to skate. The pain only bothered him a little bit. What had really thrown him off his game this season, he realized halfway through the break, was not talking with Michele, not seeing Michele, being without him completely. After his coach helped lace his skates, Emil stood by the wall of the rink. A few skaters - Leo, Chris, Seunggil - were out warming up. His eyes were instantly locked on Mickey’s twisting form. As the Italian rose from a spin, Emil felt a hand on his shoulder.

 

“He was crying earlier. I don’t know why. I don’t remember the last time I saw him cry.” Sara whispered to him.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault, I’m pretty sure. Anyways, what’s your theme this year? I couldn’t watch the stream.” Sara tried changing the subject again. She didn’t want to interfere too much.

 

“Not Entirely Fiction.” Sara nodded.

 

“More sci fi routines this year?” Emil laughed at this.

 

“At least my short program, yeah. My free skates more of a...a love thing.”

 

“Mmm, okay, alright. I’m looking forward to it. How’s your arm feeling?”

 

“Better!” He raised his wrist up to show her. “I get my cast off in another week or two, hopefully.”

 

“Just be careful. Mickey might flip when he finds out.” She laughed tensely.

 

‘We can only hope.” Emil nodded sadly. “What was his theme?”

 

“Loving and Fighting. It’s the opening line to his free skate song, I believe. We haven’t talked a lot about it, but he’s been really passionate this season. He choreographed most of his free skate. It’s his everything.”

 

“I’ll make sure to watch it.” Emil messed with the bracelet on his right wrist. Sara rubbed a small circle in his back.

 

“I’ve been instructed to make sure you do.” She smiled. “Well, you need to practice! See you later!”

 

The short programs went well. Michele was in 3rd behind Leo and Chris, and Emil was a few points behind him in 4th, practically tied with Seunggil. He didn’t get to see Michele’s reaction when he entered the rink with his cast visible (they had to fold up part of the sleeve because it wouldn’t fit underneath). Sara told him later that her brother had looked shocked and then reluctantly accepting. “Inevitable and completely typical of him,” she reported hearing him say under his breath. Emil got a good laugh from that one. His short program had been high intensity, focusing on his jumps and technical points rather that the lackluster story his coach had drafted - the imagination of an author as they crafted a new world. He didn’t hate it, but he liked his free skate more. Michele’s short program hit deeper than any of his previous performances to date. He was passionate, expressive, and technically masterful. Emil had caught sight of Lee Seunggil making notes. The emotions in his program were strong and thick - a sense of longing, despair, confusion.  But as the music lightened up near the end, it seemed like he had an epiphany. His movements loosened and he looked as though a heavy weight was removed from his shoulders. Compared to the aggressive beginning, the ending showed that the story was still progressing. In a short interview after his program, Michele confirmed this.

 

“My short and free skates are one whole story.” He told a reporter. “That was just a small resolution, the process of leading to my next skate.”

 

“Your theme this year is ‘Loving and Fighting’, but you haven’t given any more details. Anything you wish to share? Your inspiration, perhaps?” Michele nodded slightly and bothered his bottom lip.

 

“There was a big fight between me and someone I care about. There were things we didn’t know or understand about each other and that miscommunication triggered something in both of us. We gave each other time and space, to learn about ourselves. My short program was the direct aftermath of the fight. My free skate is the solution I discovered. Thank you.” He walked away from them. With the answer they received, they let him go.

 

_ He’s skating about me. _ Emil thought.  _ This entire season, his whole theme is...me. Us. I can’t not watch his program tomorrow _ .

 

\-----

 

Emil couldn’t help but appreciate Michele’s costume choice for the free skate. The loose emerald button down and sleek black pants showcased his figure while allowing his performance to stand out the most.  Black and gold embroidery danced across his collarbones. He had makeup on, Emil noticed - just a little gold above the eyes like his sister would do, and some red stain on his lips. The Czech’s own costume - a purple and black princely abomination, in his opinion - had fit well into his theme of longing and fantasy. His skate was described as “hopeful” and “pleasant”. He knew he wasn’t going to medal, unless Chris or Leo bombed it, because Seunggil did great. He doubted Michele would bomb his performance. As the Italian circled around to the center of the ice, their eyes met. Emil smiled slightly and waved. Michele mouthed back: I’m sorry.

 

When the song started, Emil recognized it from one of Leo’s posts a while back. Michele’s movements were fluid and precise. His musicality was on par with the Mexican-American who dominated that department. Emil could see the story he was telling - the aftermath of their fight and separation had impacted him tremendously. He had been lonely, depressed, confused. He’d realized how much he needed Emil and depended on him. He realized he  _ loved _ Emil. Whenever he could, Michele made eye contact with him. He landed a quad as the music intensified before the second chorus. He mouthed the lyrics as he performed. He ended with his arms outstretched, panting and staring into Emil. His eyes were wet and his hands trembling. The cheers were outstanding and as flowers and toys flew onto the ice, he kept staring. They both headed to the break in the barrier closest to the Kiss and Cry. Emil handed him a pair of skate guards. They stood, facing each other, as the crowd continued to cheer.

 

“Hey.” Michele croaked, keeping his hands by his side even though his cheeks were wet with tears.

 

“Hey.” Emil’s voice was soft and gentle as he slowly used his thumb to clear a tear from Michele’s face. “Mickey, I-”

 

“I’m sorry for what I said and if you’ll forgive me for being ridiculously oblivious, I’m kind of in love with you.” Michele interrupted, speaking fast as he pressed closer to Emil so no one else could hear. “It was a me problem, not a you problem, and I don’t want to hear you say such horrible things about yourself ever again.”

 

“We’ll have to talk more later, but God have I missed you.” Emil grasped the Italian’s face in his hands. Physically, they were so close. Michele glanced down at the Czech’s lips. As they held on to each other, the score was announced.

 

“Michele Crispino is currently in first place with a new personal record! It’s going to take a personal record from Giacometti or de la Iglesia to displace him.” Emil beamed at this.

 

“You did it!” He began to step back and remove himself. Michele caught his hands, keeping them together as their fingers interlocked.

 

“Hold on.” He whispered. “I still need you.” Emil pressed their foreheads together.

 

“Mickey, I’ll never leave you.” Michele smiled. Carefully, he leaned forward and put his lips on Emil’s. Pulling back a few moments later, Emil grinned. “Let’s go sit down, yeah?”

 

“Yeah.” Hand in hand, they went to find Sara in the stands (smiling like a mad woman). In the end, Michele won gold while Emil landed a solid fourth as Chris and Seunggil traded rankings. After taking the podium, Emil and the twins went out for dinner. Michele signed his cast with a silver marker, adding a small heart at the end of his name. They returned to the hotel and had a long discussion. The next day, they announced on social media that they were officially dating. 

 

*picture of Michele and Emil enjoying ice cream cones, holding hands at a small table outside of an ice cream parlor. The heart on Emil’s cast is noticeable. They are both smiling.*

  
_mickey-crispino: I swear to love you all my life. #HoldOn #official_


End file.
